


drown in your green

by sae_what



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Episode: s03 Chat Blanc, F/M, Flashbacks, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, LadyNoir - Freeform, Non-Graphic Violence, Non-Linear Narrative, Panic Attacks, Trauma, ladybug has traumaaaaa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28253208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sae_what/pseuds/sae_what
Summary: Marinette relives the day when she witnesses Chat Blanc turn into dust.Pushing her visions away serves no purpose, as winter settles and the earth is covered in snow. There are no signs of green, no signs of life.And Marinette comes into terms with the truth: No matter how much she desires warmth, that was gone.No Miraculous cure could ever fix what was finished.
Relationships: Chat Noir & Ladybug, Chat Noir/Ladybug
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	drown in your green

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Not-as-graphic violence, specifically being choked. Also implied/referenced suicide.

Ladybug ran. She was barely holding onto her breath. It didn’t matter how badly her lungs begged for oxygen. She had to _run_.

Every day, in the earth that used to be the warming colors of green and brown, Marinette felt weaker and weaker. 

And everyday, the earth grew grayer, whiter, with a hint of striking blue. Destruction and death and agony painted across her field of vision. 

Everything was dead. 

She turned her head, searching for a place, any place where she could hide from him. Her view landed on a broken brick wall, and she crashed to the ground, leaning against it while catching her breath. 

Ladybug dug her hands deep in the dirt, just to feel something, anything, that wasn’t the aching in her chest.

She should have been calmer now, knowing that Chat Blanc had lost her after a difficult battle, but her breathing still hitched irregularly.

“Spots off,” Marinette managed to call, a scratch in her voice seeming so familiar now. 

“Marinette... are you okay?” Tikki examined her with worry, then the kwami’s eyes landed on Marinette’s neck. 

She felt a pool of tears begin to flood her eyes, but she ignored it. “Yeah, Tikki. I’m fine.” Marinette rested her trembling hand upon the thick red line that marked across her neck. 

Her gaze rested upon her shadow, heart racing with fear that perhaps the silhouette of Chat Blanc’s had caught up to her. She shut her eyes tightly, refusing her tears to stream down her cheeks.

“I... I know I have to defeat him soon, Tikki,” Marinette’s voice quivered. “But this is getting so hard.”

Months have passed since she’d been sent to this post-apocalyptic world. 

She was running out of time. 

_“You have to save him soon, Minibug,” Bunnyx had said. “Otherwise the akuma will fester inside of him. It’ll overtake him. And there will be no more Chat Noir to save.”_

Or maybe time already had run out.

She grazed the marking on her neck, left and done by Chat Blanc.

Marinette had to succumb to the fact that she was too late. The Chat Noir she knew was dead, along with everything else around her. 

She was left with the choice to fight with everything she had. 

* * *

Marinette woke up in cold sweat. Running her hand through her face, she hummed silently to herself, making a vain effort to calm herself down.

Tikki was asleep. She wouldn’t dare to wake her up, only to hear her kwami say the same things over and over again.

_It’s over, Marinette. It’s okay._

_How_ was it possibly over when every night, she would relive it? 

Tikki was wrong. 

It wasn’t over. This would never be over. 

Things would never be the way they used to be.

* * *

_Dust particles swaying in the faint breeze. Purple turning to white. A forceful pull she couldn’t fight back. Repeat._

_Dust particles swaying in the faint breeze purple turning to white a forceful pull she couldn’t fight back repeat_

_Dustparticlesswayinginthefaintbreezepurpleturningtowhiteaforcefulpullshecouldn’tfightbackrepeat—_

* * *

Ladybug laughed until her cheeks ached, until her stomach hurt.

Chat Noir, right beside her, her best friend, her partner. His joke wasn’t the slightest bit flattering, and yet… 

She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if he ever got hurt.

“Chat, you really shouldn’t say things like that,” Ladybug wiped away a joyful tear.

“Why not? You’re laughing,” Chat Noir grinned. “All I really want to do is make you smile, m’lady.”

Ladybug lightly shoved him, “You’re so cheesy.”

He only laughed along with her. 

The wildness, the youth, the innocence in his eyes. She never ever wanted it to vanish.

The stars, the sun, and everything beautiful reflected upon them. The wonderful shades of green. 

Ladybug could soak herself in that green if she could. She would swim in it, would drown it in, beg for it if it meant it could never turn blue. Never turn dull.

Never turn lifeless.

* * *

She wanted to search every bit of green left in those eyes of blue.

But that was pointless.

Marinette brushed through her disheveled pigtails, letting her hair fall and dance with the wind and dust.

“Spots on.”

Her voice no longer trembled. The red still marked her neck, but that couldn’t stop her. 

She faced Chat Blanc.

His eyes were foreign with anger. And then it met hers.

“Your hair is down,” Chat Blanc exhaled, and then he examined Ladybug’s eyes, puffed and red. “M’lady. Don’t tell me you were crying.”

Ladybug avoided any signs of softness. His gentle voice. His watering eyes. He was only faking them. They were lies. All lies. 

The same forceful thoughts and convincing would loop inside her head. 

_He isn’t Chat Noir anymore. That’s not him. That’s not Chat Noir anymore. He’s gone. He’s gone._

She grabbed her yo-yo, calling out her lucky charm. An eraser landed onto the palm of her hand. Ladybug had grown quite tired of all these useless lucky charms.

“An eraser?” Chat Blanc questioned coldly. “I’d like to erase the past too, but you know there's only one way to do that.”

Ladybug clenched onto the eraser, eyeing Chat. “There’s no way I’m handing you my miraculous, and _you_ know that.”

Chat Blanc gave a sad smile. “No. I know you can’t give me what I want.”

He softly called for his cataclysm, a familiar spark of power escaping from his ring. 

Ladybug gulped, a cold sweat running down her back as she frantically scanned her surroundings. The search would be useless; she saw nothing that could help her.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Chat Blanc eyed her neck.

Ladybug spoke firmly. “No, you’re not.”

“You know I would never kill you,” he said calmly. “You have to believe that.”

“You’re lying.” The grip on her eraser became tighter. There had to be a way to fix this, but the more she searched around, the emptier her mind became. 

“I’ve decided on another way,” Chat sighed in conclusion. There was no harshness that escaped his breath. No, there was something else in his voice. 

There was defeat.

“Nothing can erase the pain that I’ve gone through,” he continued. “I… don’t want to suffer anymore. And I don’t want to see _you_ suffer. I can’t live on fighting if it means I can never go back to how things used to be. And so…”

He hovered his powered hand over his chest.

“I’ll end it here.”

Ladybug’s eyes widened in horror and realization.

“Chat, _wait_. Don’t do it, _please_ —!” She flung herself forward in an attempt to yank away his arm. 

But his hand was already pressed against him.

Her breathing hitched, eyes stung with tears and dust.

Helplessly calling out his name, as much as her lungs would allow her.

“Chat Noir—!”

* * *

Marinette hated the winter. 

Her friends and family would question why. She couldn’t tell them the reason why. Anyway, they wouldn’t believe her. 

“But, sweetie, you love wintertime!” The warmth in her dad’s voice was appreciated. But it couldn’t help. “I thought winter inspired you.”

_Dust particles swaying in the faint breeze. Purple turning to white. A forceful pull she couldn’t fight back. Repeat._

_Dust particles swaying in the faint breeze purple turning to white a forceful pull she couldn’t fight back repeat_

_Dustparticlesswayinginthefaintbreezepurpleturningtowhiteaforcefulpullshecouldn’tfightbackrepeat—_

“No. Doesn’t inspire me like it used to.” Marinette met her father’s eyes with her tired ones. “But thank you, dad.”

She gave him a peck on the cheek as she threw on her winter coat and left the bakery.

The trees were bare, the grass was covered in white. The cold stung her nostrils. 

No sign of life. No sign of green.

Marinette sighed, a puff of smoke escaping her lips.

She would just have to live through this until spring came.

* * *

The dust swirled and danced around Chat Blanc’s figure. His fingertips, then slowly after, the rest his limbs and towards his torso… His cheeks, his eyes, his hair. 

The last of himself that Ladybug could see was the ghost of a smile on the corners of his lips.

Ladybug could hear Chat Blanc, _Chat Noir_ , finally overcoming his battle to speak.

“I’m sorry… Marinette.”

* * *

The white overcame her vision.

“M’lady?”

Ladybug whipped her head around to meet eyes with Chat Noir.

Green.

He wore a bright grin on his face. “Looks like we’ve got some trouble again. You ready to take ‘em down?”

The minutes, the hours, the days, only blurred together even more, smeared together like graphite on paper. She did not remember when she got out of class.

She did not remember how she ended up here, with Chat Noir.

_Dust particles swaying in the faint breeze. Purple turning to white. A forceful pull she couldn’t fight back. Repeat._

_Dust particles swaying in the faint breeze purple turning to white a forceful pull she couldn’t fight back repeat_

_Dustparticlesswayinginthefaintbreezepurpleturningtowhiteaforcefulpullshecouldn’tfightbackrepeat—_

Ladybug plastered a smile. “Ready when you are, kitty.”

* * *

Her hands shook violently, gripping tightly onto her yo-yo as she released the purified butterfly.

“Chat… Chat Noir, no, no, no!” Ladybug wailed as she grabbed any remaining ash from the air, cupping them in her palm as if this would retrieve him back.

“Please, come back, come _on!_ Please….” Her words trailed off until they barely became a whisper. 

“Minibug?”

Ladybug whipped her head to face Bunnyx. Her eyes went wild, tears flowing down her face.

She couldn’t help it; she felt anger, a passionate burning in her chest.

“You should have come sooner! You could have stopped it! He—“ Ladybug swallowed a hard lump on her throat. “You were too late!”

Why was she yelling at her? She knew exactly who was to blame.

“Ladybug,” Bunnyx laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. She wore a grave yet guilty expression. “I’m sorry you had to be the one to go through this. But every single timeline was the same. He was going to do it.” 

“No,” Ladybug shook her head, the tears couldn’t stop, and she refused that this was how it would end. “I caused this. _I was the one who wasted the time away._ If I had done something sooner, he would still be here.“

Bunnyx only shook her head.

“Stop that,” Ladybug gritted her teeth. “We have to get him back.”

“You have to come back inside my burrow,” Bunnyx demanded sternly. “You purified the akuma, and all you need to do is complete the Miraculous cure. Chat Noir will be fine in your timeline if you do that.”

“No.” Ladybug spoke firmly. “I just _saw_ him. He cataclysm’d himself! He—“

“Minibug, _please._ He’s not gone. He’ll be okay in your timeline—“

“No!” Ladybug pleaded. “I have to save him! Please, Bunnyx, I—!” 

She felt a tight grip on her wrist, but she couldn’t even stop her. She was too weak, too tired to fight the forceful pull. Her vision blurred with tears, as she finally exited the distorted whites and blues and returned to the world of green.

She released her Miraculous cure.

But nothing could ever go back to the way they were.

* * *

_This is your fault, Marinette._

_You caused this._

_You should have come sooner._

_You could have stopped it._

_You were too late._

…

_You killed him._

* * *

Chat Noir nodded once she had given him an artificial smile of confidence, leaping through the rooftops of Paris to find the akuma. 

She inhaled the cold breeze, puncturing her lungs as she swiveled through the air. Ladybug released a violent cough.

Then snowfall came.

“Ladybug…?”

Chat Noir turned to her, his eyes wide with concern and fear. Losing balance, Ladybug slid across the roof of a building.

The snow turned to ash.

And Ladybug’s lungs failed her.

* * *

The cold metal pressed up against her neck. The tears stung her eyes. 

She tried to reach for her yo-yo. Her arms weren’t long enough.

Chat Blanc’s eyes were wild, full of ferociousness, full of rage. Full of eager confidence to suffocate her.

It was over. She was going to die, and Chat Blanc would win.

She squeezed her eyes shut. The blurry visions and far-away memories of Chat Noir, of his green, of his warmth, visited her mind, and she welcomed it. She let it fester her with hope.

Ladybug glared at the stranger who laughed viciously. He _laughed_ as she struggled to breathe. With as much force that her body could give, she threw a punch at the maniacal grin on his face.

Chat Blanc fell backwards, releasing a defeated grunt.

Her chest heaved up and down, irregular heartbeat, as her voice broke, tears spilling uncontrollably.

She backed into a corner, away from Chat Blanc. Sobbing, barely breathing, calling through her cries, “I’m sorry, Chat! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I can’t fight you, just please let me help you! Let me—”

Her hand rubbed against her neck. There was no red marking there anymore, but it _felt_ like there was.

It was impossible that there wasn’t. The ugly mark had to have been there.

Because she couldn’t breathe.

She had to run. Her legs felt weak, her body was betraying her, but she had to _run_.

 _”Give me your Miraculous, Marinette!”_ She heard Chat Blanc’s voice become scratchy, _“Maybe then I’ll allow you to—“_

“Breathe,” the same voice, but smoother, calmer. 

His breath tickled her ear.

She heard it again, his voice fragile and weak. “Please breathe, m’lady.”

Ladybug snapped her eyes open as she visioned the soft-falling snow, embraced by Chat Noir. 

Blond heap, black figure. 

Green eyes.

She felt his chest rise and fall against hers. And she followed the rhythm of his breathing. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

“You’re okay... you’re okay,” his voice came to a whisper as his fingers tangled in her hair. 

Her tears streamed silently as she nuzzled herself against the crook of his neck. Taking in his whole scent. 

The dull pain still lived inside her chest. Despite the comfort she was given, still, nothing could convince her that she was deserving of such healing. Nothing could change, nor would it ever. 

No. Nothing could ever go back to the way they were. 

But Ladybug was foolish, was selfish enough to cling onto Chat Noir, to envelope herself in his warmth. To be whole again, even if it was just in this very moment.

She surrounded herself in his green, his light, his warmth, and everything about him that was so familiar, so alive.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: It’s been well over a year, and I _still_ think Ladybug’s fight with Chat Blanc should have been longer. ~~And angstier smh.~~
> 
> Also, I was in desperate need of Ladybug getting whumped, so this was the result.


End file.
